Emotional regulation in the music studio…
“I feel stressed because I have too many violin songs, so now I would like to have only one song next time I play for people. I feel pressured because I have to play a song in front of people tomorrow, so now I would like to choose if I play or not.” (Student, 7 years old)
How can a student this young be so articulate about his emotions? How can he name such specific actions that will bring him peace? He was given the tools to access this awareness. It is my deep desire to equip students with the skillset of emotional regulation in their violin training.
The Feeling Wheel is my favorite tool to teach emotional regulation. There are many Feeling Wheels available online, but my personal favorite is from calm.com. I use the Feeling Wheel to help students identify and engage with negative emotions during a violin lesson or during their private practice at home. Negative emotions often cause resistance to curiosity, growth, and breakthroughs. This exercise I use helps students move from resistance to willingness in a matter of minutes.
Before the lesson, the parent of this child sent me an email saying that their child suddenly had no interest in his violin piece and was very resistant to practice. This was just days before his first performance for our studio class. Previously, the student had expressed interest in performing and was even looking forward to this. He was prepared! At the lesson, we got out our Feeling Wheel! This 7-year-old looked at the middle of the wheel and identified with, “Sad.” I asked him to look for 2-3 feelings in the same color as “Sad” that he also felt (they are clearly marked on the wheel). He resonated with “stressed” and “pressured.” I had him write “I feel stressed” and “I feel pressured.”
Next, I asked him why he felt stressed and pressured. He thought for a good while. Silence from the teacher and parent is key. You cannot rush this process. He then said, “I feel stressed because I have too many violin songs.” This was helpful insight! He was stressed because he was juggling learning new material and maintaining his performance piece.
Then he shared, “I feel pressured because I have to play a song in front of people tomorrow.” He went on to share that sometimes he feels good about that, and sometimes he feels scared. He didn’t know how he’d feel in the moment, and that made him feel pressured. Now we moved to the solution. What did HE want? What did HE need?
I conveyed, “Thank you for sharing that you feel stressed because you have too many violin pieces. What would you like to do to help yourself?” He thought for a moment and said, “I only want one song to work on while I am getting ready to play for the class.” Done. We can do that! How wonderful that he was able to find out exactly what he felt and needed. He also had the courage to ask for what he wanted and needed. He visibly relaxed after this moment. He let out a deep sigh of relief.
I then asked, “And regarding tomorrow’s class, would it be helpful if you could make that choice in the moment? If you could choose whether you play or whether you don’t play?” I wanted him to know this was an option. He immediately said, “Yes! I would like to choose whether I play or not.” I wanted him to know that both his mother and I supported him no matter what. The next day, he chose to play! His idea. His energy. His choice. And he let me know that he loved the experience.
We need not fear big emotions. Rather, let’s get curious about them and see where the trail leads us. When we teach emotional regulation skills in the music studio, our little artists can then take care of themselves, find healthy ways to move through resistance, and lovingly grow.
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The Feeling Wheel Exercise:
I feel ________.
I feel ________ because ________.
I feel ________ because ________. So now I will _________.